Weekly Alluviance #89: From Burnout to Breakthrough: My Journey Back to Self
Your weekly dose of Alluviance!
I recently watched one of those montages that Apple creates from old photos -- memories from high school, college, and beyond. This time, it was from my oldest friend, Ryan. As I looked at these pictures, I saw an older version of myself, and a strange sadness washed over me. In those images, I recognized someone deeply insecure, lonely, and confused. His shoulders were hunched, his face was tense, and his arms were constantly crossed, hiding an underlying sadness.
That version of me cared so much about what others thought of him -- desperate for acceptance. And so, to compensate for feeling not good enough or different, I threw myself into achievement. Over the last 10 to 15 years, I became really good at it. The LinkedIn followers, the houses I’ve bought, the job titles, the Instagram likes. It was all part of the strategy to mask that inner insecurity.
In the language of Internal Family Systems, I had an "exiled" part of me, the insecure part, while the "firefighter" achiever part worked tirelessly to prove I was good enough. And I became so efficient at this compensation strategy that not being busy or productive made me feel uncomfortable. High achievement became my identity.
But lately, I’ve been rethinking this. The idea of a "dojo" resonates with me -- a space dedicated to mastering the basics, and in this case, the basics of being, not just doing. A few weeks ago, I hit a breaking point. I was so burnt out from trying to keep up with LinkedIn, podcasts, and coaching sessions that I had to hit pause. I found myself reading my mission statement and feeling nothing. The words no longer resonated. Even during meditation, I couldn't connect with my body or my emotions like I usually could.
That’s when I realized I needed to stop. I paused LinkedIn, paused the podcast, and made rest my priority. I sleep in until 7:30 almost every day now, which I hadn't been doing, and I'm realizing how much I needed to slow down and nourish myself. I’m taking time to reconnect with my body and to listen to what my emotions need.
This process has shown me that my mission, my vision, is evolving. The vision I wrote a year ago was about being a "warrior king," leading a movement to ignite others to live from their essence. I'm inspired to step into that warrior king more every day, but I'm also going a layer deeper. The most fundamental part of my journey is self-discovery. It's not just about achieving more but about looking inside -- at the parts of me that feel empowered and those that still feel small.
We’ve been conditioned to focus on external validation, to constantly achieve, but true discovery requires going inward. It’s about peeling back the layers and allowing ourselves to rest, reflect, and evolve. Rob Renahan, a favorite guest of The Rising Leader Podcast and co-facilitator for Arise events, often says, we go through cycles in life: first we explore, then we integrate, then we express, and finally, we hit a point of tension -- a ceiling that no longer fits us. It’s at that stage that growth happens, not by pushing outward, but by going deeper within.
So for me, "dojo" now means committing to the basics: resting, being present with myself, and continuing the journey of self-discovery. It's about letting my purpose evolve naturally, without forcing it. This is the path I'm on now -- rest, self-connection, and allowing myself to be, rather than just do.
So, I ask you: When was the last time you paused and looked inward? Are you running on autopilot, chasing achievements to mask an inner void? Or are you aligned with your true self, leading from a place of authenticity and self-awareness?
1. The Rising Leader Podcast:
Leading with Integrity: Authentic Leadership with Bill Banta
Bill Banta shares his journey from being a house painter to building a seven-figure business, all while emphasizing the power of mindset and mentorship. Through his experiences, including guidance from Bob Proctor, Bill discusses how personal development and trust in oneself are key to achieving success. He also talks about breaking free from generational conditioning, learning emotional control, and navigating the challenges of leadership in a changing world. Bill’s story is full of lessons on growth, resilience, and the importance of staying grounded in your values.
Find it on Spotify, Apple Podcast, and Youtube.
2. Featured LinkedIn Post:
"Kicking It Old School"
The #1 tip I learned from Tony Robbins on how to prep for a big presentation and retain 30% more information👇
3. Quote to fuel your Alluviance:
"Burnout occurs when your soul is screaming but you are ignoring it." – Michael Gungor
4. Who do you know that should be our next Guest on The Rising Leader Podcast?
"Maybe.. it's even you?"
I don't know if you saw, but The Rising Leader Podcast was officially named in the Top 100 Sales Podcasts for top performers. As we continue to gather amazing people to share their stories, insights, and experiences, we’re all ears for your recommendations or connections to those who you think would be a great fit. Just to clarify, being a guest with us isn’t about pitching your product or service—it’s about diving deep into the real stuff: success, failure, and everything in between. Who should we be chatting with? (And hey, maybe it’s even you?) Let us know by simply responding to this email.
With Alluviance & In Extreme Gratitude,
Alex Kremer
If you're interesting in getting more Alluviance in your life, we would love to host you at a future immersion. Let's chat.
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